Day Thirty Three-Thirty Six

I have been focusing on the abundance mindset lately and here is what I am struggling with:

My frustration with my current reality can get so strong and I just have to keep moving myself to the end. I mean I have done this before, consciously, but I think every time you level up, you get triggered and feel like “Oh, I am not a fan of this, but I like this, and I don’t like this”. I think I am finally taking a look at my triggers in a real way and instead of pushing them out, I am confronting them and writing them down. I started to just make a list of everything I want to experience in my new reality and then ended up having so many negative emotions right after… I was sad? Triggered? Upset that I hadn’t achieved my dreams yet.

That’s the thing for me. I keep trying to convince myself that I am behind in life - yet I know deep inside that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. This is the work - it’s catching your triggers, knowing what they are, and proving that little voice in your head wrong by talking to yourself kindly. My triggers wouldn’t be so clear to me if I didn’t declare what I wanted. How funny is that? Once I start to have some sort of clarity, the voices telling me “I am worthless” come out; I guess it’s not funny at all, it’s logical. What you focus on, expands and when you focus on the lack… well that’s all you will experience.

So for me, right now, I am just putting my head down and working on myself. I am writing and saying my affirmations, writing 10 things I am grateful morning & night and doing my best to shift to the desired reality. I do not pray for fast results, I pray for permanent ones. I surrender to my inner voice and allow my internal guidance to dictate my next moves.